The beautiful butterfly

As I've been on my journey of transformation, I have been drawn to the beauty and magnificence of the butterfly. Watching as it so gracefully glides along, seemingly without a care in the world. But thinking about it's journey to transformation is inspiring all on its own.

Just think of it. This beautiful butterfly starts out as a caterpillar. And though the same 'being', its in a totally different form. It draws inside and builds a cocoon, a safety net, around itself as it's transformation begins, only to emerge as a completely different form than the original. Imagine the changes it has to undergo for this to happen! That alone is totally amazing and inspiring!

We, my friends, are no different. Sometimes we arrive at those points in our life where we need to draw inside ourself, build a cocoon around ourself and emerge as someone not different, but 'updated', transformed, revised so to speak. And just like the caterpillar, the beauty that comes on the other side of that transformation can be beautiful!

If you are on an inner journey and would like some help navigating that transition to becoming your beautiful butterfly, I know the struggle, and I am here to say, you don't have to go on the journey alone. If you would like some help in a judgement free zone, I'd be honored to be your guide; challenging you, cheering for you and celebrating you along the way!

Let the transformation begin.

In love and gratitude,

Amy

Transitions and Transformations

Who was I?

A mom

A wife

A sister

A granddaughter

A niece

An aunt

A friend

An entrepreneur

A successful business owner

I was also a:

People pleaser

Societal follower

Good student

Approval seeker

Afraid of disappointing anyone

I fit nicely into the box of conformity

I had lots of ideas & interests, which I loved, but left people seeing me as scattered, unfocused and unserious

I started seeing a counselor to deal with ‘stuff’ and went on depression medication.

For many years, I was a great chameleon – fitting into wherever and however I was supposed to.

It was 2018 when we were dropping our oldest off to college, 4 hours away.  Fast forward to today, she now lives 19 hours away, enjoying the coast on my behalf.  Sorry to digress, as we said our goodbyes back then and were driving away, my husband and I both sobbing (we even missed the main turn to come back home which sent us on a 40-minute detour), my 14 year old, sitting in the back seat, pipes up with confusion and a matter of fact tone: “Guys, what’s the problem, she’s not dead”.

We all chuckled at her all-too-true statement, managed to pull ourselves together and make it home – beginning the next chapter, our family minus one body in the house.  Let me tell you, this was indeed weird. Parenting one extroverted child (who was now gone) and one introverted child (still home) was amazingly different. I know it sounds weird, but I essentially had to learn how to parent this one child who didn’t want (or need) much from me.  Gone were the days of “when are we going to do this” or “let’s go do that” or “COME ON, I can’t just sit at home, let’s go DO something” and now were the days of a more silent, quiet, reserved home. Not that anything was wrong with that, it was just different than how we HAD been living.  It took me a while to acclimate and understand that this change in activity level had nothing to do with me. That she was her own person, with her own set of needs and desires. And, side note, I have come to love this new level of chill.

Then it was time for her to spread her wings and fly. My ‘little’ introverted child – whom we always had figured we would move out before she did, had decided to start college - in California! Yes, my friends, from Wisconsin to California!  No, we didn’t know anyone there. We hadn’t even ever vacationed there. The thing was this introverted child didn’t really NEED anyone. She needed to prove to herself that she could do hard, and terrifying things. And while it was hard to send my baby so far away, I certainly wasn’t sad that neither of them was flying. To go, explore, and be independent was exactly how we had raised them, and I was proud of their determination and fortitude.

Jumping back to the first transition of 2018 and that bit of wisdom from my youngest, which played in my head A LOT over the years, I didn’t know this was going to be one of the catalyst moments in my life. 

She was right. She wasn’t dead, and neither was I!

But I didn’t know what I didn’t know. 

I didn’t know that this ‘simple’ life transition that I knew was coming, would hit me like a mac truck.

I didn’t know just how much I had identified with all the ‘roles’ I had played in my life.

I didn’t know somewhere along the line I had lost myself – my true me.

I didn’t know how much I had identified with all kinds of societal norms.

I didn’t realize how much I identified with being a mom to the core of my being.  My entire adult life (I had my first child at 21) was centered around my family.

I didn’t realize how much that one day of dropping off my youngest to college would send me into a bit of a tailspin but would also ignite a little flicker in me that would begin a new me.

It took a good bit of time, slowly peeling off the layers of: I’m not enough, what-the-hell-am-I-supposed-to-do-now, who even am I without all the societal labels.  It took digging, patience, curiosity, compassion and love.   

Who am I now? Who I was, but more!

A mom

A wife

A sister

An aunt

A friend

A student

A creator

A Dreamer

A hand holder

A mentor

A certified life coach – so I have tools to help you too!

A risk taker

An entrepreneur

A successful business owner

A lover of life

And I am also learning to be unapologetically ME. The ME that God created. The ME that is meant to share my given gifts from him with the world. The ME that intends to be vulnerable. The ME that is determined to help other women move through transition periods in life in a judgement free zone with grace and love. The ME that CHOOSES – because we all have the choice - to live. The ME that knows that not everyone will be my people, and that’s okay. The ME that I love!

Do I have everything figured out? Of course not! What I do know though is that I am NOT dead.  I will stop being a chameleon and simply fitting into the fabric of society. I will honor my own needs and desires. I will be proud of who I am, where I’ve come from and where I’m going. I will never stop trusting in and listening to both him and ME, because hey, life is a journey, and my chapters aren’t over until they’re over.  Until then, I’m going to keep learning, keep helping, keep inspiring and keep being authentically me.

In love and gratitude,

Amy